Reflection on Project 2 Draft

What I've learned so far about by draft is that it follows the prompt and has good points, but my presentation and organization of each paragraph can be a little more clear to make it easier to read and help my audience understand what I'm trying to say without confusion.

1) I am trying to reach students that our interested in astronomy or studying it in school. My goal is to show them and break down how someone in the astronomy region gives an argument. My audience can include students teachers or anyone who is interested in the topic. 

2) I think that readers may see that I side with the author and article that I am rhetorically analyzing, but I do it with respect and I am not bashing on the other viewpoints of this issue. 

3) Most people who will be reading this essay value astronomy and science and its goals. I believe that my paper does reach out to this values as it shows how importance science is and how it helps out our society. However I think I can add a little more about the values to my paper. 

4) I think the background information given in my essay is a good amount. In my intro I introduce the issue that is going on, and later in my essay I give more details about the issue. 

5) The language suitable for my audience can include scientifically language even though i don't use much of it. Other than that I can keep it very informational and educated and my audience will understand just fine. 

6)  I feel like I have used an informative tone. Not in a way that I am preaching to students, but more in a way of showing them how something is done to make a good argument. 

Th main revisions that I need to focus on are: looking at sentence structures and adding a variety to them, rewording a couple of sentences to make more sense, and finally check all spelling and grammar issues. 

Salena Carbajal

Brittany Newland

Revised Conclusion

New Conclusion

       Throughout Dennis Overbye's use of statistical information, professional insights, and appeals to emotion he successfully argued that NASA's budget cuts have severely affected scientist and their projects. His use of rhetorical strategies helped grasp the audiences attention to understand and relate to his opinion on the issue. NASA still goes through budget cuts today. NASA needs funds towards projects that will lead our society to better technology and a better understanding of our universe.

Old Conclusion 

The NASA budget cuts was an event that still prolongs today but not as drastically as this event. However, this one event is still effecting projects that should have been in the process. It was a decision that hurt many scientists careers and students up an coming futures. The way that Dennis Overbye used his rhetorical strategies to establish credibility in his argument, helped express his message that these budget cuts put a halt on future technology and future discoveries. He portrayed the context of the situation in an easy well organized manner, persuading his audience that these budgets should be more carefully thought through because they are extremely detrimental to NASA and the science community.

My new conclusion is significantly better than my first one because it follows the same format as my introduction but vice a versa. It talks about the major claims and how they successfully helped the authors argument. Then it wraps it all up and ends the essay with an outside picture. It is more clear and it doesn't restate any points like the second conclusion does.

Revised Introduction

          New Introduction
      Bill Nye once said, "NASA is an engine of innovation and inspiration as well as the world's premier space exploration agency, and we are well served by politicians working to keep it that way, instead of turning it into a mere jobs program, or worse, cutting its budget." NASA has an immense effect to our society, and more importantly our future. The day has come where Bill Nye's fear has come true. NASA has been suffering over a series of budget cuts effecting many people and scientists in the astronomical world. The New York Times published an article called "NASA to Cut Back Scientific Missions Because of Budget", by Dennis Overbye, which overviews multiple issues that scientists and their projects have went through due to this arrangement of money. In this article, Dennis Overbye argues that these budget cuts are very detrimental to scientists and their missions at NASA by including statistical information, inside views from NASA employees and professionals on the subject, and a well organized context filled with emotional appeals towards his audience. 

Old Introduction
The company National Aeronautics and Space Administration, also known as NASA, is one of the biggest science and research companies in the United States. It is a company that creates technology, explores our universe, and researches many fields of science. Its most recognized field is Astronomy. NASA is known mostly for sending humans to the moon and other extraordinary space missions such as the Apollo missions. What many people do not think about, is that it costs billions of dollars to support any of these missions, making their budget very selective towards what they spend their money on. The article “NASA to Cut Back Scientific Missions Because of Budget” by Dennis Overbye overviews the issues that NASA is going through due to the amount of budget cuts they have been making. In this article, Dennis Overbye argues that these budget cuts are very detrimental to scientists and their missions at NASA by including statistical information, inside views from NASA employees and professionals on the subject, and a well organized context filled with emotional appeals towards his audience.

I think that my new introduction is better than my first because of it's flow. It reads smoother and gets directly to the point. It also has a much better eye-catcher than my first introduction

Clarity, Part 1

The 4 topics that I overviewed were: needed words, shifts, appropriate language, and variety.

Needed words

 After reading this topic, I learned a lot about the words "that" and "who". I read how these words can be called "omitted words" and that they are sometimes useful to use in sentences to make sure the audience doesn't get confused when reading an sentence. Another think I learned from this section was a way to rearrange opening clauses in a sentence to make it flow better. This technique makes sentences more clear and easier to read.

Shifts

After reading through this topic, I overviewed previous knowledge about keeping a paper in one point of view. Such as 1st person, 2nd person, and 3rd person. What was knew to me was keeping contact verb tenses. For example, when using the words jump and swim, people should use the same tense for both words in a sentence. When someone uses jumped they should also use swam or when using jumps they should use swims. The last thing from this section was keeping a constant mood and voice in the verbs. The three different types are Indicative ( facts and opinions ), Imperative ( orders and advice ), and subjunctive ( express wishes and conditions ). 

Appropriate language

The main idea that was introduced to me was Jargon. Jargon is a specialized language used among members of trade, profession, or group. For example the indicator is more known as sign. This language should be avoided in essays. Also people should avoid pretentious language. Or in other words, don't use big words to look sophisticated. Only use them when needed to.

Variety.

- Use adverbial modifiers to change up the beginning of each sentences.

- use a variety of sentence structures 

simple 

compound

complex

compound complex

- only use inverted sentences in formal contexts.

Reflection

After reading through my peers drafts, I realized that people make these types of errors all the time.  I realized that you have to read very closely to find some of them, but they are there. The most common error I found was in needed words and variety. A lot of people didn't have a hug variety of sentences. Second people were missing words that could have been used to make their sentences a little bit more clear.

"I think this helps the audience pick the best option for them by not having to feel a slight sense of uncertainty based on another emotions towards the topic." 

-This is from Brittneys paper and she brought her own opinion into the essay which is fine but it switched up her point of view to first person. This rule is from what I learned in the "shifts" section

Another expert Neighmond uses is from Jim Sallis, a family and preventive medicine professor at the University of California, San Diego, “But if you think about it, one hour of playing football out on the field means that the vast majority of that time is spent standing around waiting for the next play” (Neighmond, 2014)

-Right before the quote, Salena needs to ass the words "who says" to make the audience understand who is saying the quote, and to also make the integration of the quote flow better. This correction comes from the "needed words" section I studied about.

Draft of Rhetorical Analysis 

When looking at my draft, there are a few things I want to mention. I integrated a lot of quotes so let me know if it gets confusing or if there are too many quotes. Also I am still deciding if I want to switch paragraph 3 with paragraph1 so the readers can understand the context of the issue before I talk about the credibility of the article. So your views on those will be very helpful. Lastly, my conclusion is short and I can't  decide if there should be more information added to the ending to tie all of the information back to the main idea. Other than that I hope you guys enjoy my paper! 

https://docs.google.com/a/email.arizona.edu/document/d/1Kga9twc8EUUOZlvxsu0uWg5uNt2WK51_Lq6vrlayOGI/edit?usp=sharing

Project 2 Outline

Introduction

- Overview of the issue

-Overview of the article

-a little about the author

- thesis statement 

Paragraph 1 - credibility towards the authors message/purpose

        Claim 1- The author establishes credibility through his message and purpose with many insights and quotes from professionals on the issue.

                         Support 1- NASA administrator, Mary cleave ( NASA's associate administrator for science saying "We took a hit"

                         Support 2 - Donald Lamb ( An astrophysicist at the University of Chicago) saying "science at NASA is disappearing"

Paragraph 2 - Context filled with logic 

       Claim- The author uses many statistics and numbers, filling the article with context, showing the information about how much money was being cut and the people/projects that were being effected 

                         Support 1- Budget cuts of $3 billion

                         Support 2- no missions will be launched from 2009-2012

Paragraph 3 - appeal to emotion/ effecting his audience 

       Claim - The author points out his audience by showing examples of people who are affected around them and maybe even how they may be effected

                       Support 1- Generation quote 

                       Support 2- Quote on graduate student having to redo thesis 

         This paragraph with have analysis on how these quotes appeal towards the audience emotionally. Making them side with the author.

Conclusion

-how this is still in effect today

- overview the rhetorical strategies and how they helped

- bring everything together and relate it to the thesis and project prompt

Draft Thesis Statements

1) In the article, "NASA to Cut Back Scientific Missions Because of Budget", Dennis Overbye, the author, explains how detrimental the effects of the budget cuts are on scientists and their missions by including statistical information, inside views from NASA employees and project leaders, and well organized context with an emotional appeal towards his audience.

2) In the article, "NASA to Cut Back Scientific Missions Because of Budget", Dennis Overbye fill the article with context, quotes from professionals on the subject, and many appeals to emotion to portray how the budget cuts have been effecting scientists and their projects at NASA. 

These are the two thesis's that I came up with. I think that they both explain what the author used in his article to show his argument, but I think there is still a way to organize it or make my three points a little more clear. Im still deciding where I want to add in the authors information to show his credibility. I know a small part of it can be in the thesis but i'm unsure of where I should place it.

Reflection 

After reading through my classmates thesis's I noticed that there were many variations of thesis's. I think Selena and I had very similar ones because we both incorporated the authors strategies that we were going to talk about in our essay. I think now I can make my thesis a little less choppy by using smaller definitions of the rhetorical strategies that my author used when stating them in my thesis.

http://jessg44.blogspot.com/2015/07/draft-thesis-statements.html?showComment=1438220514506#c6195703843700751980

http://selenacarbajal19.blogspot.com/2015/07/draft-thesis-statements.html?showComment=1438222950441#c1575936370899380820

Analyzing My Audience

1) The beliefs and assumptions of the audience can vary around one certain idea and that is moving forward. They are going to assume that all of these NASA projects are as important as said to be, and that they are crucial to the future and moving forward in space science. 

2) The language appropriate for this audience would include basic scientific language, consisting of research and also astronomical basics. Such as knowing the basics of our solar system, but also knowing and understanding the significance of money towards NASA. The language isn't very complex but needs to simple and informative.

3) the economic and sociopolitical backgrounds of this audience can range. It can be independent workers in field of astronomy and science, but it can also be a full time student at a university that is making no income.

4) The position that will most likely be decided on this issue is that we should be more aware of our scientific projects and give them more funding. 

5) The audience will want to know what projects are being effected, who is being effected, how long will this issue drag on for, and where is the money coming from.

6) They can best be persuaded by showing the issues caused by the budget cuts, along with perspectives of NASA employees and professionals of the subject.

Cluster of "NASA to Cut Back Scientific Missions Because of Budget"

In this cluster, I separated the information into three parts. The first part contains the main rhetorical strategies that are in the article that have appeals to credibility and logic. The second part shows the main cultural values that portrayed in the article. The final part contains all the rhetorical situations including the audience, context, and purpose of the article.

Analyzing Rhetorical Strategies in NASA to Cut Back Scientific Missions Because of Budget

Appeals to credibility or character:

There are many strategies that the author uses in the article for credibility. His main sources of credibility come from references to credible people and word choice. For example, the author quotes many astrophysicists and astronomers that work for NASA, and show how they feel about the budget cut along with how they have been effected. His word choice that he uses creates a very focused and serious tone, showing how important it is for NASA to keep these scientific projects in action. The use quoting the workers of NASA created credibility in the article by giving actual and informative answers to how the budget cuts have been affecting NASA. This shows the audience that the article is relaying correct information, making the agree with the issues and problems that are being discussed in the article. The word choice effects the audience by showing the intelligence of the author. When the other uses words such as "feared" and "notable" it gives the audience a sense of feeling the issue which connects them to the article. Most importantly the author of this article has written two books about Astronomy. One is called Lonely Hearts of the Cosmos and the other one is called The Scientific Search for the Secret of the Universe. Both of these books even deal with the same subject as the article giving the article even more credibility by showing the the author knows what he is talking about.

Appeals to emotion:

Their are two strategies of appeals to emotion in my text which are: Shocking Statisitcs and repetition of key words. These two strategies are used to create emotion towards the audience while they read the article. The statistics in the article pertain two the amount of money that is being cut along with the certain projects that are being postponed. The key words that the author uses are "future", "outraged", and "alarmed". all of these words are used to show how the scientists are feeling making the audience see what the cuts are doing to NASA. When they see these adjectives they can connect to the feeling. Also the word "future" triggers the values of many of the readers because it is what science focus is. The author is trying to get an emotional response of sympathy and anger. He wants to be to understand the importance of funding NASA. To the audience, the actual result is not a strong emotionally but still their. The author could have brought in more of his own opinions to create more feeling, instead of relaying feelings from other sources. These strategies are efficient towards credibility because correct statistics in any article will create credibility. They show cold hard facts.

Appeal to logic:

The authors appeals to logic overlap with his appeals to credibility because they work for both. The addition of expert opinions and interviews are used throughout the majority of the article. There are interviews from Astronomers and the scientists that work for NASA. The expert opinions help towards credibility and also logic as it is information from a professional in the Subject. The author is trying to receive a very trustworthy response from the audience by including all these strategies and information. As a result, these strategies work because no one can ignore responses from professionals on the situation. The logical fallacies in the article are mainly hast generalizations. For example, the author talks a quote one of the project scientists who says that they are going to lose many intelligent employees at NASA. He said that most of the people who get fired and find new jobs will not come back. This generalization is hasty because there is no real statistic that if the people leave they won't come back. It has happened a couple times, but that doesn't mean they all won't come back. NASA is the biggest science company in the United States. It is a stretch to say that. This effects the reader by making them jump to a conclusion with little examples to back up their conclusions with.

Analyzing Message in "NASA to Cut Back Scientific Missions Because of Budget"

Points that are irrelevant to my text:

advocate for change- the article goes over the issues that with the NASA budget cuts, but it doesn't show any form of how it can change. It explains how it needs to change and why, but does not give a solution for change.

express an idea or opinion- the author mainly shows viewpoints of other astronomers or astrophysicists and agrees with them, but he doesn't bring his own words into the ideas on this controversy.

inform the reader about a topic that is often misunderstood- the author is informing readers about a topic, but has no intent to explain for people who don't understand. It is a simple topic.

analyze, synthesize, or interpret- the article only relays information about a situation that has occurred and his effects. The article does not deeply analyze the topic, but more shows its effects.

Points that are relevant:

respond to a particular occasion or text- the author is responding to the NASA budget cuts by showing scientists reactions and thoughts on the issue along with explaining the ongoing events taking place.

explore a topic: The article goes over the issue of the NASA budget cuts and how it has been effecting the scientists and NASA projects.

persuade readers of something: The author specifically goes over how these budge cuts are effecting NASA projects which will cause issues in NASA's plans for future experiments and technology. He tries to show how the scientists are feeling and being effected by these money issues.

reflect on a topic: along with exploring the issue, the author reflects by showing the circumstances towards our future.

Move the readers to feel a certain way- the author doesn't show many of his own opinions, but he only shows and talks about scientists that are hurt by these budget cuts. He doesn't talk about the people who decided to give NASA less money or show opposing view. This shows that the author is keeping the article one-sided to make people only see that side of the issue.

I don't see many nuances as the author shows many examples and arguments from scientists rather than himself.

Analyzing My Own Assumptions

The main cultural belief that we share is the importance of science in our future. Any people don't like to think about the distant future which can cause issues when that time comes. With many people not worried about the future, they don't care about projects that will help us in the future. That is why NASA lacks funding and my beliefs along with the articles show that America needs to focus on space science so we have a future to look forward to.

Some of the beliefs that we do not share, which are very few, is the idea of focusing on one area, rather then many. Their are many operation being done in NASA which are all very important. However, in this time today one may be important to others, therefore, I believe that we should take time to focus on the one that has to deal a"life or death"scenario instead of dividing it all equally between projects.

The culture of this text was written in our culture, making many of the beliefs connect to our own. The events have taken place in the past two decades and still do. Therefor, the culture and moral issues haven't made changes in comparison to our culture today.

EDIT: After reading through other classmates blogpost, I noticed that people in America have many different views on situations. For example, Selena said that some people believe that physical education is not very important for kids which can me a whole controversy on its own. Another thing I noticed is that their is always a majority of views on one side. It doesn't seem like many of the controversies have even assumptions coming from two totally opposite viewpoints





http://jessg44.blogspot.com/2015/07/analyzing-my-own-assumptions.html?showComment=1438132629069#c5552728015854971826

http://selenacarbajal19.blogspot.com/2015/07/analyzing-my-own-assumptions.html?showComment=1438133312476#c2032228424074171975

Analyzing My Audience

1) The main values and beliefs that play an important role in my text are the ideas of our future and the importance of our future generations. The company NASA is one of the most important scientific programs in the United States and helps contribute to our knowledge of the world we live in. The text exemplifies the idea on how it is extremely important to continue with NASA projects in order to move forward with our future. Without them, we will be hurting the future generations along with our advancement in science.  Along with this belief, the article emphasizes the importance of American dominance in science and space technology. That is not something we want to lose.

2) The text addresses the ideas and beliefs directly by  explaining the importance of these projects, and without the correct funding, they will not occur causing a halt in forward progress of Astronomy and NASA's goal. The text talks about how scientists are already worried about the future and shows their beliefs through quotations from the scientists themselves.

3) The relationship of the text with the beliefs and values of the audience is showing how these values and beliefs are being effected by the budget cuts towards NASA. The text is critical on these beliefs as it tries to explain the importance of them. The text exemplifies the beliefs by showing scientists on views on them and tries to explain his view on the beliefs by directly addressing the issue involved.

Cultural Analysis of "NASA to Cut Back Scientific Missions Because of Budget"

Cultural key words- Budget cuts, science, research, alarmed and outraged, feared, disappearing, generation.

Main thesis- The extreme budget cuts towards NASA will cause issues towards our future and future generations due to the fact that NASA will have to put aside their scientific space projects.

These keywords help the author support his argument by showing the feelings and values that are being affected by the NASA budget cuts. For example the use of the words "alarmed and outraged", "disappearing", and "feared" show how the budget cuts are making scientists feel. By using these words it shows how the scientific community at NASA is feeling and how the are affected by these Budget cuts. Another very important word is "future". The future is one of the authors main arguments, in how the Budget cuts will effect our future generations and also slow down the goals and achievements that NASA is aiming towards.

The audience of this article will be more likely to agree with the author when seeing these words because they appeal to emotion by pointing out the key problems, making them stand out to people. By using these words repetitively  through the paper the audience sees them over and over again, making these important points stand out to the audience. When the audience reads the words such as "alarmed" and "feared" it makes them understand how NASA scientists are feeling, making the audience want to help or agree with the authors argument. The values of the future and other generation will catch the audience's eyes because anyone that is interested in science and astronomy has the "future"on their mind at all times. And when the authors arguments states the the "research" along with "future generations" will be affected by the budget cuts, the audience will become persuaded to agree with the authors argument. 

Evaluation of Rhetorical Sources

NASA Budget Cutts

Author/Speaker- Jason Samenow is a writer for the washingtonpost in Washington D.C. His specialty is righting about weather. He writes articles about weather men being arrested all the way to climate change.

Audience- The audience of this Article is aimed towards people interested in climate change and the research of weather and space. It is shown by the required knowledge expected by the author. This article shows in depth reactions on the bill and the uprising that it may result in.

Context- This article informs me on its date of publication and also informs me on the event that caused the controversy. The content lacks backgrounds from the primary and secondary audiences but shows the social movements related to the topic by expressing peoples reactions to the budget cuts.

NASA Cut Backs

Author- Dennis Overbye. Dennis is an experienced writer in anything that consists with space and science. He has written two books in his lifetime and joined the New York Times in 1998. He lives in Morningside Heights with his wife and daughter.

Audience- His audience is aimed towards astronomers and people interested in NASA's missions. His audience is filled with people that have previous knowledge on NASA's projects and budget cuts. His audience is shown by his assumption of previous knowledge. He doesn't go into detail about certain people and certain projects, knowing that his audience may already be updated on that information.

Context- The date of this source is March 1 2006. It was delivered through the internet. The author is a well educated man that is extremely interested in astronomy, showing his opinions on the budget cuts and how they are conflicting with NASA projects. The backgrounds of the primary and secondary audiences come from all around. They people who have any interest in what NASA is undergoing and what is stopping them.

Redirect Mission

Author- Joel Achenbach has a very wide variety of articles but tends to always write news about pluto and NASA missions. He is reporter for the Washington post. 

Audience- His audience are people who are uniformed about NASA's new space mission and the skeptics about it. His audience are people who have interest in what are next step in space is going to be and why it is going to happen. I can tell this message is intended for them because it is posted in a very popular paper in which many Americans read. The author goes into detail about the mission and the issues it is already causing.

Context- this article was published on August 17th 2013 and was delivered online. The author uses the title and key sections to explain his view on this mission. For example saying "improbable" "NASA is looking"" NASA has been". All these highlighted phrases show the authors tone to the subject. He is showing that this situation and mission if far from happening.  The authors brings in peoples thoughts about exploring our universe and how the public views this mission. He also links the article to many other texts.

Developing a research Question

After exploring the internet on issues in Astronomy, I noticed that many issues rustled in the funding towards Astronomy. The instruments and technology used in Astronomy are not the cheapest things to build, causing many issues for funding projects in the United States. Astronomy can have debates on government funding but it also consists of debates involving our solar system and our beliefs.

 Should NASA or any other astronomical companies receive more funding from the Government?

- This question is very interesting to my because there are many opposing views on whether or not more government funding should be given towards Astronomy.  I want to research this project because I want to learn more about the people who think Astronomy is getting to much money and is irrelevant to our time being.

How can NASA's Astroid redirect mission move us forward to sending astronauts to Mars and back?

-NASA's mission since they started was to send people to mars and back, being the first to ever land a man on another planet. This mission is very skeptical as it its costs are in the billions and is going to take over 5 years to complete. It is hard to tell the connection between this mission and NASA's overall goal.

Should astronomy be taught in schools at a young age?

This topic is very intriguing to me because majority of our public in uniformed and or clueless about astronomy. I think this research will lead to understand people view on where astronomy is going and how it affects them. It is also interesting because my Astronomy teacher last year is the head of a research project at the University of Arizona that looks at the importance of learning science in schools.

Reflection on Project 1

- The challenges that I faced during this project were mainly technical issues and finding sources. It was hard had first to find scholarly sources because this controversy is new and happening as we speak. The major events had only taken place within the past months. 

- The successes I experienced from this project were learning a lot about the future of this telescope and how it is going to help our future. I also was informed on the sacred land of Mauna Kea that I have never learned about before. This project taught me how to inform people about a situation without putting opinion in to it. 

- I found that general sources were very easy to find  cite throughout my QRG. I also think that the design and organization of my project were very effective in how they are presented and in the order they are presented. Also, the rhetorical strategies helped show how people felt about each side of the controversy in pictures or the video I used.

- I found that using social media posts were good but also bad because I had to filter out people who posted nonsense or unreliable information about the subject. 

- The process was similar to my past classes as we found all the sources and annotated them before starting to write the paper. 

- This process was somewhat different from ways I have done in the past. I thought it was hard not knowing the exact prompt until later into the project. It was different because at first I was looking at sources towards my subject without knowing what the big picture of the project was about.

- Being able to cite pictures or any other article will be helpful with my other classes when I need to do research projects and papers. Also the skills on writing new styles of papers is always good to know. 

Final Project 1

I couldn't get a pdf file to attach. The final project in below

Final Project

Identifying Basic Grammar Patterns

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-1kPYvs0EF2ZTlABqDexI1EQKIn3xD-fV5kjTUumYvM/edit

note- the paragraph that I used is the first one in my paper. 

After looking through my basic grammar patterns, I noticed that I was good at creating different sentence structures. I also noticed that I could add some more simple sentences to my paper and also include a variety of sentence patterns in my paragraph.

Reflection on Project 1 Draft

The draft that I received was from Jessica Gonzalez

After going through the feedback I got on my QRG there are multiple things that realized need clarification and editing.

- My organization works, but I need to link each sub point back to my main research question. There are multiple situations where I don't connect them. I willful this by adding a sentence or two to the the end of my paragraphs in order analysis the evidence with my main research topic.

- I need to expand on each sides reason for the controversy. Show more of their beliefs and values towards the controversy. I will do this by adding more example from supporters and detailed information about where each side stands.

- The main conflict in this controversy are the protesoters, therefore, I need to go more into depth on their views and add more examples. Along with annotating the video that I added in the QRG.

- I like the layout of my paper as do the commenters, but I need to add better transitions for example how one pint leads to the other to make my QRG flow better instead of being choppy. 

- I am aiming this QRG to my teacher and classmates to show them information and news on the subject I'm interested in. To do this I might incorporate more social media posts that my audience could relate to or go follow. 

- Some biases my readers may have, is that I am for the construction of TMT but only if its done in the right way. However, I think some of my analysis's can come off as way that says I am all for TMT to be built. This can be fixed by taking out my voice and keep to the information that is provided.

- I feel like this is my strongest aspect towards my audience. My QRG gives all the basics about the situation. I just think that I need to expand a bit.

- I want to focus my tone towards and informative tone. I oddest want the audience to feel like they are being told what to think and whats right. I want to relay the information so the readers can form their own opinion. I will focus on only keeping information used from sources and eliminate any feeling I illustrated in the paper. 

Integrating a Quote

Red = Boundaries and credibility 

Blue = quote 

Green = signal phrase

Draft of Quick Reference Guide

After making my draft, I feel like I put a lot of information into the draft but I'm not sure if it comes off to the audience in the right way. I tried to organize it by explaining one side of the controversy then the other. I still need to brush up on some of my citations.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1trHd10uGIZR7hj1Ty3WlRTat2VAScqH6jVBdVgYx6kA/edit?usp=sharing

Craft Box

Step one

  -David Ige had made a new proposal on the way Mauna Kea is maintained while also allowing the Construction of TMT to continue. If the Telescope passes Hawaiian Supreme Court it will be up and running in 2024 being the 14th telescope in Mauna Kea, making it seem like there is no real issue going on. 

-Alex Knapp begins to go into the history of this controversy by talking about the protests that have been going on since 1964 to protect this land. The land of Mauna Kea is sacred to the culture of Hawaiin Natives. When Mana Kea was selected for TMT the team new they would need support from people on the bid island unlike the past.

- Alex goes into detail on how the TMT team compromises with the people in hawaii. TMT offered money for rent and positions on the work force for the project. Alex then talks about the economical benefits of TMT towards the islands business's.

-  The author talks about Kealoha Pisciotta, the head protector of Mauna Kea, and how she says that Mauna kea does not just have ecological issues but more importantly it is her peoples origin and culture, rejecting the idea that TMT will be good for the economy.

-Pisciotta goes further into detail how the telescopes have a tendency to be more than expected. For example using more resources. She no longer has trust for the project, but still believes that telescopes are helpful. So she wanted 25% of to be decommissioned when the lease is over in 2033 or for them all to pay rent.

- The ending of this article talks about and outsider Astrophysicist named Dr. Chanda Prescod-Weinstein who talks about hoe putting science over everything will cause chaos and make the community of Hawaii against science which is not good for future generations.

- The opposite big is from Dr. Paul Coleman who is for the TMT project saying that this has been planned out for 7 years and the construction of TMT is safe and respectful to the land. Finally Piscoitta finishes by saying that there are solutions for every party.

Main claims- governor says TMT shall continue 

                   - there are already 13 telescopes there why will one more hurt

                   - TMT offers million dollar rent and jobs for people in hawaii on the project.

                   - Piscoitta is not just worried about ecological issues but emphasizes on the importance of culture / Wants 25% of telescopes gone 

                   - Dr.Prescod-Weinstein stresses how scinece above all will ruin trust and community

                   - Dr. Paul Coleman states that TMT is worth the space and is offering many advantages to the area.

Step 2

 The Article "Understanding the Thirty Meter Telescope" overviews both sides of the controversy. Even though Governor David Ige just gave permission for the project to continue there is still conflict. The issue seems vague due to the fact that there are already 13 other telescopes but Hawaii protestors are still angry, Piscoitta, the head of the Mauna Kea talks about the ecological issues and most importantly the cultural of Mauna Kea. She wants 25% of the telescopes gone when the lease is over. She is backed up by Dr. Prescod-Weinstein who talks about how putting science above all will ruin their community. Finally Alex Knapp ends his article by introducing Dr. Paul Coleman who is a strong believer in TMT and that its advantages are worth the whole thing.

Step 3 The Article "Understanding the Thirty Meter Telescope" overviews both sides of the TMT controversy. Even though Governor David Ige just gave permission for the project to continue there is still conflict. The issue seems vague due to the fact that there are already 13 other telescopes but Hawaii protestors are still angry. Piscoitta the head of the Mauna Kea, talks about the ecological issues and most importantly the cultural of Mauna Kea and is backed up by Dr. Prescod-Weinstein who talks about how putting science above all will ruin their community. Finally Alex Knapp ends his article by introducing Dr. Paul Coleman who is a strong believer in TMT and that its advantages are worth the whole thing...

Step 4  I reviewed Jess's summary and I noticed how we had the same idea on giving a brief description of both sides of the article. The only thing that I saw that was different was that I introduced specific people in my summary a long with details.

QRG's the Genre

       - the conventions of a quick reference guide seem to be a way to organize information to show give the public a quick insight about a certain topic, person, or event.

      - The conventions are defined by how the author designs his or her quick reference guide. For example the QRG for the Sochi olympics separated the article into different topics. One topic would explain the meaning of certain outfits that were worn, or why the countries entered in an odd order. It is how they organize the information to make the article simple and easy to understand. There are no hidden long answers. They are straight forward and to the point. Another example is the QRG about Scott walker. At first it gives a summary about one of his campaigns and his strengths and weaknesses. But after the short summary in explains quick and easy question. Such as 'Who is he", "Is he running for president", "who wants him to run" etc. Then it follows with simple one sentence answers. This design show the conventions of a QRG.

     - The purpose of a QRG seems to be an easy and helpful way to get a quick understanding about a person, topic, controversy etc.

    - The intended audience of a QRG are people that are not up to date or clueless about a certain topic. It is for people that want to know the basic knowledge or information about a certain event, person, idea, debate etc. QRGs are all intended for people that are un informed but those audiences can change, depending on the topic. For example if there was a group of politicians, the Gamergate QRG would be intended for them, but the QRG about Scott Walker would have a different audience. The politicians are most likely informed about Scott walker, therefore, they don't need to know the basics about him and his campaign.

The three people I commented on were :
Jess: http://jessg44.blogspot.com/2015/07/qrgs-genre-use-of-headings-and.html#comment-form
Jake: http://thegladiatorengl102.blogspot.com/2015/07/qrgs-genre.html#comment-form
Britt: http://livinginsonder.blogspot.com/2015/07/qrgs-genre.html#comment-form

After reading through all their comments on QRG's I noticed that all of us had the same general idea about what QRG's were about. I thought it was interesting how we all had different views of what made it so effective and easy to read through. We all saw different purposes in the QRG's which is cool because it shows how we all think differently. I noticed that in mine, I had many more example from QRG's than the other classmates comments.

Cluster of TMT Controversy

In my cluster map I separated it into two sides. One side involves all news in favor of the TMT while the other side has all the facts and comments about the Hawaiian Natives. Both sides consist of public speakers and what they have had to say. It also includes twitter hashtags that have been popular. Most importantly both sides include the progress that has been going on in the controversy with key aspects and details about the compromise.

Annotated Bibliography in Astronomy/MLA Style

         Ghorayshi, Azeen. "Astronomers Clash Over A Giant Telescope On        A Sacred Hawaiian           Mountain." (2015): n. pag. Web.

         Ghorayshi overviews the controversy between building the 1.2 billion dollar telescope on sacred land. He goes over specific details about how much the telescope will pay Mauna Kea a year along with the advantages it will bring to the community. He also talks about how the people of Hawaii are protesting and getting arrested in front of the construction site. He focuses on how the astronomy community has broken out in Hawaii. Celebrity endorsements have been causing arguments and debates over what is right. Culture and the past or the universe and our future? This article will be helpful towards my paper as it brings in specifics about the controversy and how much money is involved. It is a credible source that will help create a positive argument.

           Knapp, Alex. "Understanding The Thirty Meter Telescope Controversy." (2015): n. pag. Web. 16 July 2015.

         Alex Knapp does a quick overview on the issue between the Natives and their sacred land, however, he quickly transitions into talking about how there are already 13 other telescopes in Mauna Kea. He focuses on the governor of Hawaii is handling the situation and the deals that Hawaii and TMT are trying to agree upon. This article is use full towards my paper because it shows both sides of the debate but also picks a side showing that they want the telescope to be built.

           M. Schöck, S. Els, R. Riddle, W. Skidmore, T. Travouillon, R. Blum, E.  Bustos, G. Chanan, S. G. Djorgovski, P. Gillett, B. Gregory, J. Nelson, A. Otárola, J. Seguel, J. Vasquez, A. Walker, D. Walker and L. Wang “Thirty Meter Telescope Site Testing I: Overview”Publications of the Astronomical Society of the Pacific, Vol. 121, No. 878 (April 2009), pp. 384-395

Published by: The University of Chicago Press on behalf of the Astronomical Society of the Pacific

This article goes over the selection process that was made towards finding out there the thirty meter telescope should be placed. It talks about the atmospheres conditions in all the prospective areas along with the perfect altitude, building space, technology etc.  The testing for the location took over a span of 5 years. Checking conditions of each site very closely. The other candidates included Chile, Baja California, Mexico etc. This article is very useful towards my paper as it pick a side on the controversy. It shows why the telescope needs to placed at Mauna Kea for the best results. It contains credible sources from many jounals and Astronomers.

           Janet D. StemWedel “docfreeride” “Keiki Future - TMT Shutdown”

This video shows a boy in Hawaii going through sheets of paper explaining why Mauna Kea is so sacred. It shows the emotion of the Hawaiian natives and their view on the construction of this telescope.  It provides a physical view to its audience of what the Hawaiian Natives are going through and feeling. This is helpful to my paper as it is extremely credible due to its source. Also it picks one side of the controversy. IT was a tweet from someone else, but due to the fact that the person is the video is actually Hawaiian, it makes the post extremely credible.

             BJ Penn Hawaii News “PennHawaiiNews” “People from around the world join in  fight                against Thirty Meter Telescope construction on #MaunaKea.

            This social media post shows the perspective of the Hawaiian population. It was from a newscast station telling people to join the fight against the telescope. This tweet was towards the people of Hawaii showing the political view of what the people want. IT is a very credible source as it comes from a newscast station in Hawaii. It will be helpful in my paper because it brings credibility to the subject and shows the majority of Hawaiians view on the topic.

Cho, Adrian, and Ilima Loomis. "Hawaii's Governor Proposes Telescope Swap." Science 348.6239 (2015): 1069-1070. Academic Search Complete. Web. 17 July 2015.

     This article goes over the compromises that Governor David Ige presents to the TMT team. He tries to settle an agreement of removing a quarter of the present telescopes in order to build the thirty meter telescope. However, protesters still seem to be angered. Many are still their postponing the construction. This compromise is only 1 of 10 conditions the Governor has put on the sacred grounds of Mauna Kea. He admits to the fact that they have not preserved the sacred land well enough. Looking forward the article looks at economical issues if destroying the existing telescopes. It will cause debt and a lose of data that the telescopes bring in. This articles is useful towards my paper because it shows an attempt to settle the controversy. It also shows the advantages and disadvantages of what each side of the debate will gain and lose.

Pullin, Richard. "Eleven Arrested in Protest Against Hawaii Telescope." Ed.    Curtis Skinner. The     New York Times. N.p., 24 June 2015. Web. 20 July

     2015.

         The purpose of this article was to inform the general public about what Hawaiian Natives were doing at the TMT to site. It was posted to give an update on the protests, along with showing the Hawaiian natives reason for protesting.  The primary audience of this Article is the daily readers of the New york Times and politicians to read and learn about the subject. The methods used to inform the general public was shown through direct quotes from Hawaiian Natives telling people the importance of Mauna Kea. This article focuses on the news of 13 more Hawaiians being arrested at Mauna Kea adding to the other 31 protestors back in march. This Artcile will help me portray the Hawaiians views and feelings of Mauna Kea.

Fox, Chloe. "Everything You Need To Know About The Viral Protests Against A Hawaii     Telescope." Web log post.  Huffingtonpost.com. N.p., 13 Apr. 2015. Web. 21 July 2015.

        

The purpose of this Article was too breakdown both sides of the controversy.  Its audience is towards people interested in the subject that want to be informed on everything that had been happening in the controversy. The overall all purpose show the perspectives of both sides so people can gain an opinion on the controversy.  Citing multiple pictures showing protests, and prototypes of what the telescope might look like formed this article helped form this article. Also introducing explanations of advantages that TMT will bring by intelligent Astronomers. It also bings in direct quotes from natives as well. This will contribute to my paper because it gives me explanations from professionals about each side of the controversy that I can include in my QRG

Kelleher, Jennifer Sinco. "Protesters Bracing Themselves 'Mentally, Spiritually' For Battle   Atop Hawaii Volcano." Web log post. Huffingtonpost.com. N.p., 24 June 2015. Web. 21 July 2015.

         The purpose of this article was to give people direct feeling from protesters of Mauna Kea. The audience of this article is aimed towards politics and people in favor of TMT going on. The methods this author uses is giving direct quotes from protesters themselves on their plans, feelings, and future action on the subject.  The author takes direct quotes such as "We're bracing ourselves mentally, spiritually for the battle ahead," and others to give perspective of the Hawaiian natives. This article will be helpful because it gives me direct info of the Hawaiians point of view on the subject.

Mauna A Wakea TMT Shutdown. Dir. Maya Goodoni. Perf. HawaiianNatives. Youtube, 2015. Video Blog.

The purpose of this video was to show dedication that the Hawaiians put towards Mauna Kea while protesting. The audience of this video is aimed to show astronomers, physicist, general public, and politicians how important Mauna Kea is to Hawaiian Natives. The overall purpose is to get people to notice how much time and effort Hawaiians are putting in to save their sacred land. The video plays a calm and native Hawaiian sounds in the back to give a eye-opening mood to the audience. Also there are sounds of the weather and the visuals of people bundled up protesting. This will be helpful to show the Hawaiians view towards TMT being built, and how dedicated they are to stop it.

extra source - "Science with a 30-meter Telescope." Tmt.org. N.p., n.d. Web. 21 July 2015.